For the first post of the site, I wanted to address the top reason established workers leave a company they love in their late thirties. It’s essentially because they realize they need to leave their toxic boss.
It was ultimately my reason to even start this blog, I needed some kind of outlet because I initially couldn’t even fathom leaving my very stable job in my late thirties.
Long story short, I was with my previous company for 7 years.
It was a company that had hands down THE BEST benefits in regards to salary grades, PTO accruals, number of paid holidays and floating days, health care premiums for the whole family, annual merit increases and bonuses, very family friendly and was fully work from home in my profession.
Unfortunately, I had to leave because my mental health was plummeting working under a new director who made me feel completely disposable.
I found the top 3 signs you’re working under a toxic person and it’s time to get out.
1. Your boss plays favorites to no end
By the time I was promoted as a manager (I was promoted by a different director), most of the manager colleagues I had worked with for years had left the company for the same reasons I did. As manager positions started opening up, I naively thought my more experienced coworkers would surely fill those vacancies. I should have known that is not how a toxic boss works. The toxic boss promotes favorites, regardless of experience. Consider if this is happening to you.
- More work is given to you, than the favorites
- Certain flexibilities are allowed with others, but not you
- Micromanages your time, while others aren’t
- Puts you down in front of your peers
These examples are so subtle and to be honest, it will only make exact and perfect sense to you. I’ve explained my unfair situations to others, but no one will really get it or feel it like you will. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean it’s just in your head. It’s really happening, it just happens so gradually that only your coworkers will understand (if you even have any left that you trust).
2. Your toxic superior exhibits low emotional intelligence
Forbes quoted a study by Pearson and Porath that when a leader with low emotional intelligence (EQ) exhibits negative behavior
- Two-thirds of employees said their performance declined
- 12% of employees resigned due to the low EQ behavior
- More than 75% of employees said their loyalty to their employer waned
- Four out of five employees lost work time worrying about an unpleasant incident that occurred
- 63% of employees wasted work time trying to avoid the offender at all costs
All of these bullet points hit it spot on for me. I started doing the bare minimum work to get by. I didn’t want to provide my best work to someone I absolutely did not respect and abhorred. And towards the end of my tenure there, even the smallest, most benign comments and incidents by my director would make me spiral into intense anger and anxiety because of the kind of environment I had been working in the past 2 years.
3. You feel sick at work
The last straw was when things started affecting my physical and mental health. For example, I began
- Having a short fuse with my family
- Developing stress hives
- Developing olfactory hallucinations (smelling things that aren’t there)
- Feeling intense anxiety especially during my work hours
- Feeling nauseous at every email, MS Teams message, and meeting with my director
I don’t have any of these issues since I’ve left.
The saying “people leave managers, not companies,” couldn’t be more true for me. When I read the article by Culture Amp, “The biggest lie in HR: People quit bosses not companies” it felt like a personal hit to me by people who are out of touch with what happens under a truly toxic person.
They state, “Management matters, but leadership matters more,” and “People blame managers when they should be blaming the system.”
Honestly, what does that even matter? The only minutia of control and influence we have as an individual employee is the person above you and around you if at all in a real corporate setting.
Do you want to evaluate engagement scores? Sure go ahead and try, but every engagement survey I’ve ever done does not report findings of people with reports less than 5 and it’s not unheard of for your manager to pressure you to score high on the survey.
Like I said, I absolutely loved the company I worked for. I loved the mission, the benefits and my coworkers.
Reflecting back, trying to quit a toxic boss was like this weird abusive relationship I couldn’t leave because of everything else I didn’t want to let go.
For nearly 2 years, I was belittled, berated, and threatened.
I am someone’s mother, daughter, wife, sister, and friend.
I have specialized training, years of experience and an expert in my field.
I’ve birthed children, created a home and financial security with my husband.
I am NOT a noob at life.
I did not deserve to be treated that way.
Neither do you.
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